|
|
Sunday, February 24th, 2002
| |
1:41 am
|
|
| Friday, February 22nd, 2002
| |
3:05 pm - me talking to Andrew's away message
|
|
| Wednesday, February 20th, 2002
| |
10:18 pm - i try as hard as i can...
|
Okay. I need your thoughts. You're probably sick of hearing me go on&on about this Running Start dilemma, but time is slipping away & soon I need to have made a decision.
For those of you that forget/don't know what the Running Start program is, it enables juniors & seniors in high school to take community college courses (tuition-free) while completing high school.
My question is: should I do it?
I want to. I want to get the whole college thing down before I actually go to college, so as to prevent the "oh my lord what am I doing?" feeling. The only (two) reasons I'm unsure are the following:
1) Supposedly, it's 15 hours of homework per class per week. Full timers take 3 classes. That's supposedly 45 hours of homework a week. According to Mary & Marshall, it's not nearly that much. But you never know.
2) Obviously, I wouldn't be with my friends. I wouldn't have friends. Part of the reason I wanted to leave my high school was to get away from the feeling of being a loner & being friendless, but when I think about really not being with friends, it's kind of scary.
There is, of course, the option of doing it part-time. Only problem with this is, I don't know which classes I would take where. The only credits I need to graduate are 1 English, 1 history, .5 PE, .5 occupational, & 1 more elective. I want to take chemistry (a lot of colleges require it), too. I know that even if I do full-time Running Start, I'm (most likely) continuing in choir.
But I don't know. Therefore, I need everyone's opinion. Even if you don't really give a damn (which I'm sure many of you don't), PLEASE give me your thoughts anyway. It'd be much appreciated.
current mood:  confused
current music: Not Pretty Enough - Kasey Chambers
|
|
(4 unspoken words | speak!)
|
| |
12:53 am - & the college search continues
|
sometimes you get mail from a college that mentions ani difranco & tool in their list of on-campus concerts&speakers, has all the majors you were considering, is located exactly where you'd like it to be, and just seems like a good place for you.
and then, of course, you realize it's a private school which you probably have no chance of getting into, & even so, would be far too expensive.
hmmph.
current mood:  annoyed
|
|
(speak!)
|
| Tuesday, February 19th, 2002
| |
3:12 pm - you are a party & i am a school night...
|
I want a new life. All I ever hear from my mom is "Clean your room! Clean your bathroom! Dust! I SAID CLEAN THIS ROOM!" It's beginning to piss me off. When I feel like cleaning my room, I'll clean my room. It doesn't affect anyone else. If you don't want to be in my "dirty" room, then get out. Ugh.
I'm never going to get my license, either. Every single possible thing to keep me from it has happened/is happening. I guess I'm waiting till I'm 18, then. Great.
And all I ever want to do is just sit here, either online or reading a book. I don't have the energy, will, or motivation to do anything else. I just don't want to. I sleep till noon, shower at two, eat lunch at four, eat dinner at ten, go to bed at three.
But of course, I disregard how bad my life could be. I write these I-hate-my-life-woe-is-me entries and take up space on your friends page.
I disgust myself somemost times.
current mood: annoyed
current music: School Night - Ani DiFranco
|
|
(speak!)
|
| |
12:32 am - yeah yeah yeah... i'm bored, hush up.
|
( here you go )
current mood:  awake
current music: Baby Look At Us - Sarina Paris
|
|
(speak!)
|
| Monday, February 18th, 2002
| |
8:23 pm - i want to go to far away places...
|
Andrew & I are talking about how Stabbing Westward have become martyrs... and I said I want to be a martyr. He told me not to die. I realized that that's how it will be - no one will fully appreciate me until I'm dead.
"I appreciate you," he said.
But how do you tell someone that you need bigger things? That having one person appreciate me is GOOD, but not all I need.
And when I die, I will be unwrapped. Everyone will find out how much they missed, how much they failed to notice. But I don't WANT it to be like that... I want to be good enough NOW. I need to be KNOWN for something, something more than 'the girl who isn't known for anything'.
And I can only imagine how sick & tired you all are of these stupid, petty, useless-teenage-girl ramblings.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Planetary - Rainer Maria
|
|
(7 unspoken words | speak!)
|
| |
3:02 pm - i am aware now, i am aware now
|
I'm so smart. Well, no. But I figured something out, so I'm happy. My email address says my name, and if you know my name, you'll know it's spelled really weird. If one of my friends were to stumble upon this journal and notice the email address, they'd know right away who I am. So I made another email address, but then I was behind on all the little birthday notices & whatnot. SO. I figured out that you can choose to not show your email address... and now I'll get LiveJournal's little emails and people in real life won't know who I am.
But. You can still email me at swing_on_a_spiral@hotmail.com, cause I do check it quite often. Just not every 5 minutes, like my other account.
Andrew informed me earlier that Stabbing Westward disbanded. I find this quite sad. I've never liked a band that broke up before. That sounded weird... But yeah.
This song reminds me of Sara. It's how I described our friendship to Jennifer when she asked, in 6th grade, "I want the old Krystin back." She didn't like who I'd "become" since becoming friends with Sara. But in all honesty, I still don't know that there was really a difference. Anyway. The explanation made no sense, but it did, sort of, in my mind. The song also reminds me of Reid because it is our story, almost exactly. Before we were together... not anymore.
My writing is complete shit today.
current music: Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette
|
|
(speak!)
|
| |
1:51 am - & i miss you
|
|
| |
12:48 am - the closest thing to perfect but the farthest thing from me
|
|
It feels very much like this summer... sitting here, wide awake, doing lord-knows-what online, listening to "The Closest Thing" by the Juliana Theory. It's amazing how much this feels like the summer just past.
|
|
(3 unspoken words | speak!)
|
| Sunday, February 17th, 2002
| |
1:59 pm - we can keep her safe from you...
|
It shouldn't hurt to read/hear about other people being complimented, or doing something well, or anything like that.
Well. I never said I didn't have issues.
current music: Safe From You - Frente
|
|
(speak!)
|
| Saturday, February 16th, 2002
| |
3:55 pm - pretty much what I already knew...
|
|
| |
2:10 pm - happiness is a warm domain... or something
|
Kristina got a domain & once we figure out how to figure out FTP I get to be hosted... If all goes well, at least.
Time to go hunt down my dad so we can register me for the SAT & ACT online. Oh, the joy. The excitement. The... the... uhh... something.
Since when am I so... insane?
|
|
(speak!)
|
| Thursday, February 14th, 2002
| |
3:18 pm
|
You know, it's just like trying to find a job or get into college. Those things don't HAPPEN to me. So I really probably should give up on trying to find somewhere to put my site...
THIS SUCKS.
|
|
(speak!)
|
| |
2:29 pm - i guess this is goodbye
|
Well guys, I no longer have a website. Envy.nu decided to be oh-so-kind & delete everything, so I'm site-less. I think I may be done with it. I'll still have my livejournal and my scribble journal and whatnot... but how can I make another page? Yes, I have all my files backed up but NOWHERE TO PUT THEM. I'm not good enough to get hosted anywhere & there's no way in HELL I'm having a page with a bunch of random ads everywhere. So. I guess that's all for now. Unless anyone feels like hosting a 16-year-old with little HTML knowledge (FrontPage pretty much does all that for me... I can't do frames or anything at all, really) who doesn't know FTP in the least. Ha. Like that'll happen.
Anybody know ANYWHERE where I can set up my page? Somewhere that's free & ad-less?
current mood:  pissed off
|
|
(11 unspoken words | speak!)
|
| Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
| |
10:50 pm
|
|
Digital cameras are wonderous things. As soon as I learn how to make pictures smaller & find somewhere to put them, you can all see the glory that is my easy-amused-ness.
|
|
(1 unspoken word | speak!)
|
| |
3:35 pm - school, issues; what's new?
|
A month ago, I wasn't worrying about any of this. Now, my life is a swirling mess of SAT & ACT & Running Start & college & grades & everything I put off worrying about until the last minute.
I have this stupid plan that I'm going to try to get straight A's except for math (there's no hope there, believe me). I know it won't happen... and that makes it really hard to try. Spanish test today - I have a horrible suspicion that I failed. Or at least got less than an A, which has become failing to me. I've never taken that long on a Spanish test in my life - I used up the entire period, finishing with three minutes left of class. Probably because I double triple quadruple checked every single answer.
Which brings me to another thing. I know, I'm just one bundle of issues after another. But I swear, I'm becoming obsessive compulsive. I've always had a few traits of it, and it's getting worse with this whole school thing. I make lists of EVERYTHING I have to do. I doublecheck EVERYTHING to the point where I tell myself NOT to look at it again but I HAVE to. I do certain things over&over&over again. And, as always, if I do something to one thing, say my right leg, I have to do it to the other (my left leg) or I feel unbalanced. Yes yes, I have issues.
|
|
(2 unspoken words | speak!)
|
| Tuesday, February 12th, 2002
| |
10:46 pm
|
Everything is falling apart. It just is. I don't know whether or not to do Running Start next year. Part of me wants to but I know I'll miss having friends (everyone, apparently, is a loner there... which is good, yet bad). Marshall just informed me that switching back to high school (from community college... if I were to hate Running Start) is extremely messy because high school classes are a year long... which I totally never thought of.
I can't do this all the time, though. I can't always be afraid to take risks. But yet, it's a RISK for a reason. I could hate it more than anything. I could screw myself up even more than I already am.
God. I don't know what the HELL is wrong with me.
|
|
(1 unspoken word | speak!)
|
| |
5:04 pm - from my cousin's profile
|
Abraham Lincoln failed in business @ age of 22, was defeated for the state legislature @ age 23, failed in business @ at 25, suffered a nervous breakdown @ age 27, defeated for speaker @ age 29, defeated for congressional nomination @ age 34, defeated for Senate @ age 46, defeated for vice-presidency of US @ age 47, defeated for Senate @ age 49...
Wow, I didn't realize people could fail THAT much. BUT the point of that was that he's still remembered, still considered "great", etc etc etc. Hell, he failed that much & became president. Hmm. Maybe there is hope for me. 'Cept I'm not really looking forward to getting assassinated... *shrug*
Off to babysitting...
|
|
(1 unspoken word | speak!)
|
| Monday, February 11th, 2002
| |
5:17 pm - important question - need feedback
|
For English, we can make a poetry notebook for 10% extra credit. I plan on doing this, & it's due Friday. Number 2 is this:
Write a poem that illustrates the feeling of bitterness, anger, protest, or even hate. Desipite the negative feeling, the one requirement is that the poem, as always, be honestly expressed.
Does this seem a little too violent/hateful for something school-related? I wrote it awhile back and I think it fits the topic. I don't have anything I feel particulary hateful toward lately so I'd love to be able to use something I already have... unless it's far too "inappropriate"... So I need some thoughts.
-Sever-
Take that knife you're trying to sever my heart with
And stick it down your throat
I'm sick of your lies and games
It disgusts me that it took this long
For me to realize.
You're dead to me now
You had control of me for a year
Like some sick and twisted monarchy
You aren't my god
You can't save me (but I've been aware of that)
You can't even destroy me right
You say that I'm too masochistic
(At least I can handle pain)
You just don't know who you're dealing with
You don't know how fiesty I can be
when you rub me the wrong way.
So get your dirty hands away from me
And stop playing with my mind.
There's no way in hell you can damage me
any more than I already am.
Remember that knife you're trying to sever me with?
If you're feeling so violent
Sever your damn self.
(Of course, I'd probably leave out the "damn" just to play it safe... Haha, now that I re-read that it does seem a little over the top for school, but hey, I could be wrong.)
current music: Sleep - Stabbing Westward
|
|
(5 unspoken words | speak!)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sicily's journal